Holiday Cheer... Or Holiday Fear!

I never thought I would be the girl to just sit at home and do nothing. I desperately want to be out working and contributing to our family's financial needs, but thats just not happening right now. This economy is so depressing and the search for a job is even more so. I've applied to so many places and still not one job offer or even an interview! I don't know what I'll do if I don't find a job soon. I want to go out and keep looking but I have to be cautious with our gas. I hate to waste gas to just drive around aimlessly when I've done that and gotten no where. I spend everyday constantly checking my email, checking my phone, and checking out several different job sites just hoping that I'll be able to find something soon. I hate just being here at our apartment by myself. I want so badly to be around other people and actually DOING something. Its so stressful especially with Christmas in less than 2 weeks. I've still got a present to buy and I'm having no luck finding something nice at a price we feel good about. I just don't know what to do. I'm going insane in my own home. I want to have plans for the day and things to do to keep me busy! Ya, I can clean and do laundry and get meals ready to be made but I need something else to happen that takes me out of the house and brings in some money! 

I just need to make it to Christmas. I am so excited to spend time with Joseph, making memories and starting new traditions and just being together and cherishing the love we have for each other. I know that is whats important and the rest will work out eventually. I'm also really excited to have all my brothers and sisters here soon! Christmas Eve will be wonderful! We'll go sledding and have dinner and watch Christmas movie's and I can't wait! Then on Christmas, Joseph and I will open our presents to each other and have our Christmas breakfast :) then we'll head to good ol' La Verkin where the whole Gubler clan will be singing in church. Wow, just writing about what's going to happen makes me feel so much better about what's happening right now. Sure things are tough, but hey we love each other and we have enough to make it through. So I guess my Holiday Fear isn't as hard to deal with when I focus on the Holiday Cheer.  

Baby Hungry!

OK so we've been married for 8 wonderfully wonderful months and I've never been happier. Things are tough though; I'm searching for work, trying to fight my inner laziness and clean our apartment, and trying to learn how to actually cook things that are edible. Ugh my work search has been a nightmare, This is the first time since I was a freshman in High School (Go Tigers!) that I haven't had a job. It's so weird. I thought I would enjoy the free time, but OMGOSH... I hate not having a job, I need need need to have something to do daily, and our need for a second source of income is growing. ugh. Oh and the whole cleaning thing, boo. Cleaning itself isn't the problem for me, its the getting started that I dread. But if it doesn't get done, I start to get stressed until its done. Then there's cooking, I've taken some basic cooking classes but the lack of resources at our apartment makes it a bit difficult, and we're trying to be especially thrifty since I not working which makes it even more difficult to experiment with new recipes.

So ya, things are good but tough, and to make matters more... interesting... I am baby hungry to the extreme! It doesn't help that our ward is a newly wed ward with so many babies they're everywhere! My sacrament meeting consists of me scoping out the babies and wishing i had one too, :( Oh and if that wasn't enough of a temptation, Joseph and I are Nursery workers! Oh and I'm also addicted to the shows on TV like Teen mom, and 16 and pregnant. So ya, I'm not just baby hungry, I'm baby STARVING!

So the solution to this dilemma seems simple, have a baby! oh how i wish it was that easy! lol OK so no matter where I am in life, that decision will never be that easy, and for good reason. Bringing a baby into this world is a huge deal and Joseph and I want to do everything we possible can to be ready and stable.  We also understand that there is only a certain level of preparedness that we can get to and that things never seem to go as planned. But we have decided that we need to have some money saved up and a budget planned before we should try to have children. So the sooner i find work, the sooner my mommy's and daddy's (real and In-Laws) can be grandparents! So I'll just have to keep searching diligently for the right job, but until then, I guess I'll just have to keep being BABY HUNGRY