Holiday Cheer... Or Holiday Fear!

I never thought I would be the girl to just sit at home and do nothing. I desperately want to be out working and contributing to our family's financial needs, but thats just not happening right now. This economy is so depressing and the search for a job is even more so. I've applied to so many places and still not one job offer or even an interview! I don't know what I'll do if I don't find a job soon. I want to go out and keep looking but I have to be cautious with our gas. I hate to waste gas to just drive around aimlessly when I've done that and gotten no where. I spend everyday constantly checking my email, checking my phone, and checking out several different job sites just hoping that I'll be able to find something soon. I hate just being here at our apartment by myself. I want so badly to be around other people and actually DOING something. Its so stressful especially with Christmas in less than 2 weeks. I've still got a present to buy and I'm having no luck finding something nice at a price we feel good about. I just don't know what to do. I'm going insane in my own home. I want to have plans for the day and things to do to keep me busy! Ya, I can clean and do laundry and get meals ready to be made but I need something else to happen that takes me out of the house and brings in some money! 

I just need to make it to Christmas. I am so excited to spend time with Joseph, making memories and starting new traditions and just being together and cherishing the love we have for each other. I know that is whats important and the rest will work out eventually. I'm also really excited to have all my brothers and sisters here soon! Christmas Eve will be wonderful! We'll go sledding and have dinner and watch Christmas movie's and I can't wait! Then on Christmas, Joseph and I will open our presents to each other and have our Christmas breakfast :) then we'll head to good ol' La Verkin where the whole Gubler clan will be singing in church. Wow, just writing about what's going to happen makes me feel so much better about what's happening right now. Sure things are tough, but hey we love each other and we have enough to make it through. So I guess my Holiday Fear isn't as hard to deal with when I focus on the Holiday Cheer.  

Baby Hungry!

OK so we've been married for 8 wonderfully wonderful months and I've never been happier. Things are tough though; I'm searching for work, trying to fight my inner laziness and clean our apartment, and trying to learn how to actually cook things that are edible. Ugh my work search has been a nightmare, This is the first time since I was a freshman in High School (Go Tigers!) that I haven't had a job. It's so weird. I thought I would enjoy the free time, but OMGOSH... I hate not having a job, I need need need to have something to do daily, and our need for a second source of income is growing. ugh. Oh and the whole cleaning thing, boo. Cleaning itself isn't the problem for me, its the getting started that I dread. But if it doesn't get done, I start to get stressed until its done. Then there's cooking, I've taken some basic cooking classes but the lack of resources at our apartment makes it a bit difficult, and we're trying to be especially thrifty since I not working which makes it even more difficult to experiment with new recipes.

So ya, things are good but tough, and to make matters more... interesting... I am baby hungry to the extreme! It doesn't help that our ward is a newly wed ward with so many babies they're everywhere! My sacrament meeting consists of me scoping out the babies and wishing i had one too, :( Oh and if that wasn't enough of a temptation, Joseph and I are Nursery workers! Oh and I'm also addicted to the shows on TV like Teen mom, and 16 and pregnant. So ya, I'm not just baby hungry, I'm baby STARVING!

So the solution to this dilemma seems simple, have a baby! oh how i wish it was that easy! lol OK so no matter where I am in life, that decision will never be that easy, and for good reason. Bringing a baby into this world is a huge deal and Joseph and I want to do everything we possible can to be ready and stable.  We also understand that there is only a certain level of preparedness that we can get to and that things never seem to go as planned. But we have decided that we need to have some money saved up and a budget planned before we should try to have children. So the sooner i find work, the sooner my mommy's and daddy's (real and In-Laws) can be grandparents! So I'll just have to keep searching diligently for the right job, but until then, I guess I'll just have to keep being BABY HUNGRY

Dreamin

So I have been having this thought lately about how frustrating it can be when your trying to explain something to someone that you may have seen in a dream. Sometimes it so difficult because it only makes sense the way you see it in your head and when you try to explain it, it just sounds weird. I just wish i could "plug in" people into my dream so they could see what i see! So the dreams that I have tried to explain to my husband are so random and odd. First of all I had a dream where we bought this run down chapel-like house that had two floors but a big gaping whole in the floor of the second floor. It was so weird and so difficult to explain to my husband how we would get upstairs... When no stairs existed :) it was a bizarre house. The second dream I wish I could show my husband is one I had that always makes me smile :) I dreamt that Joseph and I had the most beautiful baby girl. I know that if I could plug Joseph into that dream he would want me to be pregnant just like I wish I were prego :) she was the prettiest baby girl and I just wish that I could have one just like her. But ya those dreams that I've had are just a small bit of the ones that I've had recently. My name is Alexie Nelson and lately, I've been Dreamin.

My Way of Healing

So I'm going to probably posting some of my poetry in my blogs. I started dabbling in poetry in 2010 about halfway through the year when I was going through some struggles. Since I was going through my own personal battles I wasn't exactly super happy so some of my poems reflected those feelings. Those poems were very personal and quite sad so I didn't keep them. At least I think I erased them. Either way I can't find them :) o well :) I make no claims to have any writing talents but I did feel better after writing. These poems even rhyme! Which I was so excited when I started writing and I could even make poems that rhymed and made some sense. Anyway, I hope the two people that even read these enjoy them! My name is Alexie Nelson and writing poetry was My Way of Healing.

The Waves

I sit there in silence watching the waves lick the sand
And marvel how things never turn out as planned
I thought my life was set in stone like the rocks in the sea
But now I see I'm more like the water, the waves I can be
I am changing and moving and I never sit still
My hopes and my dreams now change at my will
But I stand not alone, on the sand at the beach
My love, strong and sweet is always within reach
He keeps me from danger and protects me from harm
And I know that I am safe when I'm held by his arm
He is my foundation, the rock that stands in my sea
He helps to guide me and show me what I can be
So my plans change and my dreams are now real
I have my best friend with me forever and that's means a great deal

I love my husband with all that I am and all that I aspire to be. Thank you Joseph Bryan Nelson

Alexie Gubler Nelson

Sleepless in Saint George

Ugh... I am so jealous when I look over in the bed and see my husband happily snoozing away while I'm wide eyed staring at the ceiling just waiting and wishing for sleep to come to me too. I seem to be having this epic battle every night with trying to fall asleep. I don't know what's wrong with me but it's really frustrating! If anyone could please tell me why I'm losing this battle I would love to get some help. But until then I guess I'm Sleepless in Saint George.

My journey

My name is Alexie Gubler Nelson and I am addicted to chocolate :) I grew up in a family of 7. Two brothers, two sisters, and my parents. Now our family of 7 has grown to 9 as I got married and then my older brother followed shortly after. We grew up in the small town of La Verkin surrounded by family, no seriously, the Gublers basically run the town of La Verkin! Which made it kind of difficult to find guys to date ;) I will admit that I had a super small crush on a guy many years ago then I found out we were related. That's how small town it was. Anyway, I was and still am a super introverted kind of girl and usually only had about 3 or 4 close friends that I could easily confide in and that was ok with me. I grew up like any other girl, doing the kind of things kids do. Some of my favorite memories are the ones where I'm building forts and tree houses, rollerblading, or playing night games with the other kids in town. Such simple things brought us close and made us smile :) Once high school began, things took a turn to the akward side. Braces, acne, bad hair, ugh... Not my best years :) but I still had good friends and the most loving family so it wasn't too bad. I also started my first job as a freshman which I kept for the next 6 years. My life focused on work, school, and my silly boy problems... The average teenage girl life right? As I got older I started to feel a lot more comfortable with how I looked and I think it showed. Then, just as I was starting to come into my own... graduation! Now I would have to start all over again in college! Well the summer before school came and went too fast as it always did and school began again. And with school came my first real boyfriend! But no it wasn't with a new guy I had just met, instead it was with one of my oldest and dearest friends :) we dated for around 8 months and then things ended right as summer was about to start. Ya I was a bit heartbroken but hey it was my first bf and he was a special guy to me. Well during that summer, me and my old bestie decided that we wanted some adventure so we made the plans to move out! We moved to the "big city" (Saint George) and found ourselves with four more great girls. This was definitely the start of the new Alexie. I decided that I was going to try to be the fun girl that took chances and had a good time! Woohoo college! I hung out with new people and tried new things and actually tried to flirt with guys, which was light years away from my comfort zone. Well I definitely had the chance to be around some awesome guys because I was called to be the family home evening "mom" in my singles ward... Score! That is where I got to know Joseph Nelson. I had seen him around before at our aparment complex and he seemed nice but we never really officially met until FHE. It was so bizarre that a guy I liked was actually attracted to me as well! Well with some well placed hints thanks to one of my room mates, Joseph and I finally got the chance to hang out... In Vegas! Long story short, we dated for about two months and then got engaged on new years of 2011 right after the fireworks :) the date was set for April 9th. Which brings us to the present basically. We've been happily married for almost 7 months now and we keep looking forward and making plans for the future :) and that is me. My name is Alexie Nelson and I am Loving Life Endlessly.